Really. He had the Turian homeworld over a barrel and what he asked for was a hostage release? [Not that he wouldn't— the way Wrex spoke about Krogan women was about as respectful as he ever got. It just wasn't what she'd have guessed.] I'm surprised he didn't just go all-in and demand you cure the Genophage.
[Touchy as the subject was, Wrex's whole life had been defined by fertility issues, and what arose from them. Maybe these women were fertile? Hell, that'd be worth kicking some dust up about.]
Oh, I'm sure they loved that. How many holes did they try to put in him before it got ironed out?
[His head cants to one side, jaw lolling in a grin.] Funny you mention the Genophage. [It's not, she's Shepard.] The women Wrex wanted released? Fertile. Probably slightly resistant to the whole damn thing to start with.
Someone in the STG leaked to Wrex the salarians were holding them for... research.
[He's having fun with this, the pointy bastard.]
Oh, they tried to turn him into a window. Him and the shuttle, both, until the clearance came through. Then they wouldn't let him into the base, kept him under armed guard. Wrex... decided to start reciting recipes.
[For salarian-meat dishes.] I might've helped, but, they really were assholes.
You haven't changed a bit. Three years later and you're still playing with fire in a moving elevator.
[Really, it's a miracle he's only got as few scars as he does. But does Shepard mind? She's grinning right back. Yeah, it's funny as hell. Show up on the Salarian homeworld, kick in the door, threaten to eat the residents, and never apologize for a thing. Classic Wrex. And Garrus was helping, because naturally he would.]
You know, I'm not looking forward to it, but if there's a silver lining to any of the Reaper crap it's the amount of times I'm gonna get to tell somebody important'I told you so, and that they're gonna have to do as they're told, for once.
To petty victories. [Another toast, this time toward Garrus himself. Cheers.] And I'll be Wrex would feel the same way.
Well, the salarians weren't promising to drop troops like Grunt on my homeworld to kick the Reapers out. Plus, what can I say? Wrex has such a winning personality.
[And Garrus, according to Wrex, is the one turian who thinks he's funny. Neither of them are wrong. They're absolutely not wrong. Of course he'd chimed in a bit.]
[He snorts.]
I think we've got a running tally on the Normandy of just how many times you said something along those lines. The 'I told so-and-so' tally. Joker's even got credits riding on the total when we win. [If. If they win. It's something they all know. They all leave unsaid.]
[Instead of saying it, even here, he just raises his bottle too.] The pettiest victories.
[If she let herself think about it, about how many people would get to die, simply because people don't listen when she speaks, she'll be too angry to function. On the other hand, if she has to turn rogue SPECTRE, then doing it by strangling the council with her bare fucking hands is at least a novel way to do it.
Shepard snorts a quiet, bitter little breath of humor at that, and drinks again, a little deeper, feeling it settling in her belly, making the night seem warmer than it is.]
They're proud to be on the Normandy. I'd be flattered if I didn't know Alliance soldiers will bet on anything. [She's not immune to that either, of course. She's just... What's fine for the crew is unseemly in the commander.] You get in on that? I gotta know, what's Garrus Vakarian's totals estimate on galactic leadership having to eat their words and fall in line?
I wouldn't say anything. They never bet on whether or not you'll win.
[Despite sounding slightly teasing, there's a definite hum of sincerity under the words. He's one of them, after all. One of those people who could never bet against her - no matter the odds.]
Oh, my credits are on everyone but the krogan and the geth. I almost added the rachni but that seemed like cheating.
[Since they probably even remember the Reapers with their whole... weird. Song memory. Thing.]
To be fair, Wrex is in charge of most Tuchanka, last I heard. He was there. And the only reason anybody from the SR-1 team—
[She stops. Ah. Yeah, that's right. Ash. Wrex, Garrus, Tali— hell, even Joker and Chakwas had seen her coming and been ready to call it good enough that she was alive. But the last time Shepard had spoken to Ashley it'd been for the especial privilege of being called a traitor and left go to fuck off. And then... the mission, and lockup...
Not exactly Galactic Leadership, no. But someone who ought to have at least known Shepard. She was a lot of terrible things, but never a liar.]
...You ever see Williams around, in the— you know. After my time?
Hey, what the new crewmen don't know only hurts their wallets. A little. I'll go easy on them.
[Sort of. A bet is a bet. And knowing they have Wrex, and therefore Tuchanka, believing Shepard is an ace in the hole.]
[She stops. He looks over to her, curiosity and concern flickering around each other. Studying her until she asks. And exhales.]
Yeah. We did. She was asked to be a Spectre, too. You were on a mission after you left Earth - I didn't hear all the details, but you two met Liara on Mars, in the Prothean Archives. [And Williams had got the crap beat out of her by EDI's body. Which is... a really long story. That bit hurts his head a little to think about it.]
Second Human Spectre. Well, it's not like she doesn't deserve it. And we both know, Ash is as tough as they come.
[She's not bitter, exactly, it's only... Sad. Some kind of bizarre, unearned grief, for something Shepard isn't sure ever existed. Nothing profound, nothing overwhelming, just disquiet that makes her want to sigh; she represses the urge.]
Just thinkin' about old times in the cargo bay on the SR-1. We had no idea what was coming for us. Hell, I'm still pinning you down for a round of twenty questions.
She does. She's proud of it, too. Word had it... you were the one who convinced her to take it.
[He's pretty sure that's what he heard, anyway. Hopefully, it happens that way, for her. It sounds like she could use the win right now.]
[He chuckles, and leans his head against hers.] Well. Good thing I'm pretty used to answering questions. As long as they're not - [He drops into a pretty decent falsetto, for someone with dual vocal chords.] - "By the Goddess what is that".
[It's exactly the right move, just in sync: Shepard had already been leaning in to rest her head against him, but the way he meets her halfway turns it from melancholy into fondness. Ridiculous, how easy he seems to make it, sometimes.
And then he does that, and she chokes.]
What the he— [Give her a minute here, she wasn't expecting that. Oh my god. Garrus. Talk about attracting predators, she can't stop laughing] What the hell was that?
[Mission accomplished. He's grinning, chuckling to himself.]
That was the result of a bet with Joker. He said there was no way a turian could imitate someone else with the way our voices work.
[That, and someone needed to poke a little fun at Ms. Shadow Broker once in a while. Some that didn't include calling her primitive or asking her if her head tentacles moved.]
Not yet. I was really saving it for a special occasion. I was going to try Tali next. [A beat.] You know, when she didn't have that shotgun in reach.
[Oh, it's just too funny. Joker was right, though, it really didn't sound much like Liara, but it was the attempt. Turians didn't do... voices. For all their vocal complexity, they never seemed to use a lot of range, at least in the human-audible registers, but— Apparantly, Garrus did voices. Strategically.]
You better watch out, she's always got that drone. [Every time she thinks it's going to fade, it just seems funnier and she can't stop smiling.] Oh yeah, she'll hate it. So much.
Oh here we go. [Happy is a fleeting state, but right now... yeah, she's happy. Not their most exciting date night ever, she hopes, but there's a lot about tonight to be satisfied by.] I have got to hear this.
[Oh boy. You've got a tone there, Vakarian. Shepard spares a moment to wonder if it's just a coincidence or if he's actually seen someone do the eyebrow thing often enough to mean it the same way. And then, still chuckling, decides it hardly matters.]
[Listen, he really, really couldn't do this in front of any turians. To him, it sounds horrendous. It sounds like the scream track from a horror vid. But... to anyone else - the undertone, the echo of his voice, comes out like the crackle of a helmet's speaker.]
[Now he has to do the falsetto again.]
I have a shotgun-- [That's all he gets out. Then he's got to clear his throat again, and try to do it without laughing.]
[It only renews the hilarity, when he breaks. Shepard is helpless for it, for a while, and even when she finally clears past the giggles there's still laughter in her voice.]
That's awful. [It was pretty good, actually.] She'd shoot you for real.
[She'd love this. Well, not the joke itself, Tali would have something to say about that, but this: the drinks and the stargazing and the night of simple togetherness. Like family.]
Y'know I like to think I know you pretty well, Garrus, but you keep surprising me.
[He's wheezing a little, but that's nothing a drink can't fix. That's one impression he can't do on command, apparently. Tali would shoot him, and he'd deserve it.]
Well - with all we've seen? Someone has to keep things fresh.
[The good kinds of surprises, this time. Not the horrors of war kinds of surprises.]
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[Touchy as the subject was, Wrex's whole life had been defined by fertility issues, and what arose from them. Maybe these women were fertile? Hell, that'd be worth kicking some dust up about.]
Oh, I'm sure they loved that. How many holes did they try to put in him before it got ironed out?
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Someone in the STG leaked to Wrex the salarians were holding them for... research.
[He's having fun with this, the pointy bastard.]
Oh, they tried to turn him into a window. Him and the shuttle, both, until the clearance came through. Then they wouldn't let him into the base, kept him under armed guard. Wrex... decided to start reciting recipes.
[For salarian-meat dishes.] I might've helped, but, they really were assholes.
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[Really, it's a miracle he's only got as few scars as he does. But does Shepard mind? She's grinning right back. Yeah, it's funny as hell. Show up on the Salarian homeworld, kick in the door, threaten to eat the residents, and never apologize for a thing. Classic Wrex. And Garrus was helping, because naturally he would.]
You know, I'm not looking forward to it, but if there's a silver lining to any of the Reaper crap it's the amount of times I'm gonna get to tell somebody important'I told you so, and that they're gonna have to do as they're told, for once.
To petty victories. [Another toast, this time toward Garrus himself. Cheers.] And I'll be Wrex would feel the same way.
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[And Garrus, according to Wrex, is the one turian who thinks he's funny. Neither of them are wrong. They're absolutely not wrong. Of course he'd chimed in a bit.]
[He snorts.]
I think we've got a running tally on the Normandy of just how many times you said something along those lines. The 'I told so-and-so' tally. Joker's even got credits riding on the total when we win. [If. If they win. It's something they all know. They all leave unsaid.]
[Instead of saying it, even here, he just raises his bottle too.] The pettiest victories.
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Shepard snorts a quiet, bitter little breath of humor at that, and drinks again, a little deeper, feeling it settling in her belly, making the night seem warmer than it is.]
They're proud to be on the Normandy. I'd be flattered if I didn't know Alliance soldiers will bet on anything. [She's not immune to that either, of course. She's just... What's fine for the crew is unseemly in the commander.] You get in on that? I gotta know, what's Garrus Vakarian's totals estimate on galactic leadership having to eat their words and fall in line?
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[Despite sounding slightly teasing, there's a definite hum of sincerity under the words. He's one of them, after all. One of those people who could never bet against her - no matter the odds.]
Oh, my credits are on everyone but the krogan and the geth. I almost added the rachni but that seemed like cheating.
[Since they probably even remember the Reapers with their whole... weird. Song memory. Thing.]
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[She stops. Ah. Yeah, that's right. Ash. Wrex, Garrus, Tali— hell, even Joker and Chakwas had seen her coming and been ready to call it good enough that she was alive. But the last time Shepard had spoken to Ashley it'd been for the especial privilege of being called a traitor and left go to fuck off. And then... the mission, and lockup...
Not exactly Galactic Leadership, no. But someone who ought to have at least known Shepard. She was a lot of terrible things, but never a liar.]
...You ever see Williams around, in the— you know. After my time?
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[Sort of. A bet is a bet. And knowing they have Wrex, and therefore Tuchanka, believing Shepard is an ace in the hole.]
[She stops. He looks over to her, curiosity and concern flickering around each other. Studying her until she asks. And exhales.]
Yeah. We did. She was asked to be a Spectre, too. You were on a mission after you left Earth - I didn't hear all the details, but you two met Liara on Mars, in the Prothean Archives. [And Williams had got the crap beat out of her by EDI's body. Which is... a really long story. That bit hurts his head a little to think about it.]
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[She's not bitter, exactly, it's only... Sad. Some kind of bizarre, unearned grief, for something Shepard isn't sure ever existed. Nothing profound, nothing overwhelming, just disquiet that makes her want to sigh; she represses the urge.]
Just thinkin' about old times in the cargo bay on the SR-1. We had no idea what was coming for us. Hell, I'm still pinning you down for a round of twenty questions.
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[He's pretty sure that's what he heard, anyway. Hopefully, it happens that way, for her. It sounds like she could use the win right now.]
[He chuckles, and leans his head against hers.] Well. Good thing I'm pretty used to answering questions. As long as they're not - [He drops into a pretty decent falsetto, for someone with dual vocal chords.] - "By the Goddess what is that".
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And then he does that, and she chokes.]
What the he— [Give her a minute here, she wasn't expecting that. Oh my god. Garrus. Talk about attracting predators, she can't stop laughing] What the hell was that?
[By the Goddess, indeed.]
Oh, tell me Liara's heard you do that.
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That was the result of a bet with Joker. He said there was no way a turian could imitate someone else with the way our voices work.
[That, and someone needed to poke a little fun at Ms. Shadow Broker once in a while. Some that didn't include calling her primitive or asking her if her head tentacles moved.]
Not yet. I was really saving it for a special occasion. I was going to try Tali next. [A beat.] You know, when she didn't have that shotgun in reach.
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[Oh, it's just too funny. Joker was right, though, it really didn't sound much like Liara, but it was the attempt. Turians didn't do... voices. For all their vocal complexity, they never seemed to use a lot of range, at least in the human-audible registers, but— Apparantly, Garrus did voices. Strategically.]
You better watch out, she's always got that drone. [Every time she thinks it's going to fade, it just seems funnier and she can't stop smiling.] Oh yeah, she'll hate it. So much.
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[Oh, the laughter. That's a good sound. That's exactly the sound he likes to hear. Shepard - happy. Shepard having a good time.]
[Having space to breathe. Maybe that part of this world isn't so terrible.]
You know, it's funny. She's not here now... [You can hear the metaphorical eyebrow waggle.]
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[Oh boy. You've got a tone there, Vakarian. Shepard spares a moment to wonder if it's just a coincidence or if he's actually seen someone do the eyebrow thing often enough to mean it the same way. And then, still chuckling, decides it hardly matters.]
Gimme the Quarian voice.
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[Listen, he really, really couldn't do this in front of any turians. To him, it sounds horrendous. It sounds like the scream track from a horror vid. But... to anyone else - the undertone, the echo of his voice, comes out like the crackle of a helmet's speaker.]
[Now he has to do the falsetto again.]
I have a shotgun-- [That's all he gets out. Then he's got to clear his throat again, and try to do it without laughing.]
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That's awful. [It was pretty good, actually.] She'd shoot you for real.
[She'd love this. Well, not the joke itself, Tali would have something to say about that, but this: the drinks and the stargazing and the night of simple togetherness. Like family.]
Y'know I like to think I know you pretty well, Garrus, but you keep surprising me.
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[He's wheezing a little, but that's nothing a drink can't fix. That's one impression he can't do on command, apparently. Tali would shoot him, and he'd deserve it.]
Well - with all we've seen? Someone has to keep things fresh.
[The good kinds of surprises, this time. Not the horrors of war kinds of surprises.]